i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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