How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize