Michael Bay diarrhea
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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