I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
