I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
