She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
