The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
