After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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