Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Success! We fucked roommates!
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
