I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
