apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
