coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize