i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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