Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
