I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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