I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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