i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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