And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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