We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
