ya dads aren't the best wingmen
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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