And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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