I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
so much tequila, so little girl.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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