Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
