I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
