Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
