You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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