i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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