Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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