Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
