I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I party with great urgency now.
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