I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize