I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
