dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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