my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
