You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
