Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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