I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
