Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
