Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
