u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
