I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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