I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
