Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
