i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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