Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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