I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
