I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
