just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
