Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
