My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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