wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
