dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
