I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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