Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
