I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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