I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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