listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
what day is it and did you see me today?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
