i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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