i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
