You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
