I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
