I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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