is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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