the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
