I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
