It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
