grandma shit on top of the toilet
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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