when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
they need to just BURY HIM!
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
