I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
